2 x 2 Silberauszeichnungen von Wuschelkopf9 und Assel

Muräne: Unterschied zwischen den Versionen

Aus Stupidedia, der sinnfreien Enzyklopädie!
Wechseln zu: Navigation, Suche
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Zeile 1: Zeile 1:
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| Bild          = Moray eel komodo.jpg
 
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| Farbe        = blue
 
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| Ordnung      = Mutierte Riesen-Aale
 
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| Familie      = Fiese Fischviecher
 
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| Gattung      = Lang und Dick
 
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| Art          = Mistvieh
 
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| Fortpflanzung = äußerst ekstatisch
 
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| Verwandter    = Schlange, Regenwurm
 
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| WissenschaftlicherName = Holger
 
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| Entdecker    = Arno Nym
 
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}}
 
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Eine '''Muräne''' ist ein meist großes, sehr [[hässlich]]es [[Schlange|Schlangendings]], welches unter [[Wasser]] lebt. Dort greift es [[Fisch]]e und andere an, die sich vor seine [[Höhle]] wagen. [[Football|Offene Angriffe]] vermeidet es meistens. Die Muräne wird deshalb gerne als "[[Ninja]] der Meere" oder "[[Schwein|Feige Sau]]" bezeichnet.
 
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== Aussehen ==
 
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[[Datei:Blindschleiche.jpg|thumb|Nicht ganz so hässlich, aber trotzdem verwandt.]]
 
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Muränen ähneln sehr Schlangen und [[Aal]]en, nur das sie bei weitem hässlicher sind, was hauptsächlich an ihrer komischen, unebenen [[Haut]] liegt, welche nicht mal die beste Faltencreme glatt kriegt. Auch die kleinen [[Auge]]n und Zähne sind nicht gerade ansehnlich. Kurz gesagt: Sie sehen aus, als hätte [[Gott]] sie aus dem [[Jean Pütz|zusammengebastelt]], was übrig war, als er alle anderen hübschen [[Fisch]]e fertig hatte.
 
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== Vorkommen ==
 
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Die Muräne ist eigentlich überall zu finden, wo es was zu Fressen gibt, ähnlich wie [[Ratte]]n oder Verwandte. Muränen wohnen gerne in Höhlen, besonders, wenn diese unter Wasser liegen. In Höhlen an [[Land]] krepieren sie nämlich elendig, was schon mal abschreckend auf die [[Wurm|Riesenwürmer]] wirken kann.
 
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== Ernährung und Jagdverhalten ==
 
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Muränen sind von [[Natur]] aus [[Fleischfresser|Anti-Vegetarier]]. Sie ernähren sich ausschließlich von Fisch. Diesen fangen sie, wie erwähnt, indem sie den ganzen [[Tag]] in ihrer Höhle herum hocken, bis ein ahnungsloser Fisch vorbei schwimmt. Dann geht alles sehr schnell:
 
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# Muräne beißt zu.
 
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# [[Beute]] wehrt sich erfolglos.
 
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# Rückkehr in die [[Höhle]].
 
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# Ermordung der Beute.
 
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# [[Kindliches Gebrabbel|Happa-Happa]].
 
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# Böses Kichern (nicht nachgewiesen).
 
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Der ganze Vorgang dauert meist nur wenige Minuten und hat eine sehr hohe [[Erfolg|Erfolgswahrscheinlichkeit]]. Deshalb gilt die Muräne als sehr gefährlich und sollte nur unter Begleitung eines Menschenmonsters wie etwa dem [[Hulk]] oder [[Rambo]] beobachtet oder gefangen werden.
 
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== Nutzen für den Menschen ==
 
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[[Datei:Fischschwarm3.jpg|thumb|left|Typische Opfer des fiesen Wegelagerers.]]
 
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Muränen sind ziemlich nutzlose Tiere. Sie sind hässlich, schmecken zum [[Organisiertes Erbrechen|Kotzen]] und zahm werden sie auch nicht. Der einzige Nutzen, den diese Viecher erfüllen, ist, sie zu fangen und in [[Aquarium|Aquarien]] zu sperren, wo sie dann von irgendwelchen M[[ensch]]en angewidert angeglotzt werden können.
 
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== Fazit ==
 
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Die Muräne ist ein guter Kandidat für die Spitzenplätze der "Liste der Dinge, die die Welt nicht braucht". Sie wird von Mensch und Fisch gemieden und gilt als [[Asozial]]. Deshalb ist die Muräne zurecht der meist gehasste Fisch der [[Welt]].
 
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{{Fisch}}
 
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{{#award:silber|Wuschelkopf9}}
 
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{{#award:silber|Assel}}
 
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[[Kategorie:Tier]]
 
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[[Kategorie:Monster und Mistviecher]]
 
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[[Kategorie:Dinge, die die Welt nicht braucht]]
 

Version vom 20. Juli 2013, 00:13 Uhr

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